Five truths of my Life

So in the spirit of being truthful and all…here are five things about me that I probably never would have admitted publically before:

1. At the age of 24, I am still…erm, let’s say, wary of the dark. I still leave the light on in the living room when I sleep, and try my level best to not have to leave my bed room in the middle of the night. And if I was in Delhi on a terrace, I am not very proud to admit, my mind still goes back to monkey man. Like, more than once.
2. I love pineapple juice. I love it to the extent that I can almost get myself to type thus: I <3 pineapple juice. There. I used the damned <3
3. My current wardrobe = Van Heusen. Like A=B => B=A. That way. The way I visit three different Van Heusen stores just to make sure I didn’t miss out on any single shirt. Yup. You read right. That way.
4. The story of my hair: They were long. Then it was a boycut. Then an old aunty asked my mom how old her son was. So then they were long. And thick. Then straightened. Almost straightened actually. Burnt to be precise. Kind of like a squirrel’s tail. Then chopped off to get rid of the squirrel’s tail. Then long. Then actual straight. Then chopped off. And then, finally sick of my experiments with truth, I woke up one day with curly wavy hair. Like really wavy. I’m a little scared of my hair now. I’m not sure how angry they are with me. So I’m not sure what they’ll decide to be tomorrow. Moody, them tresses.
5. And finally, the one point which is a huge no-no in this romantic filmy world of ours. The one thing you’re not supposed to say or feel. But here it is… I left the city I spent my entire life in, to come work in Mumbai. So I’m far away from home, from my family, from my existence of twenty years. Like a zillion other people everywhere. What this is supposed to mean is fun, independence, making it on your own in the big bad world…oh the opportunities! The beauty! The wide-eyed wonder! It is all of the above. It’s also gut wrenching fear. I know this sounds cowardly, but I am scared. I’m scared being so far away from my family. Because you know the one amazing thing about your family? Whatever happens, you always have them to go back to. They will still hug you and take you back, and promise you that tomorrow will be a better day, and somewhere deep down actually mean it. They will share your pain and multiply your happiness. And even if it doesn’t always seem that way, even though they might get on your nerves, even though the distance might actually get you closer to them, there is no hidden ulterior motive, apart from the fact that well, they were kind of born into the relationship with no choice :D  And I find it scary. I find it scary that tomorrow, if something goes wrong, if my support system fails, if I suddenly find myself alone, sad, with no brightness in the future, I’ll have an empty home to go back to. I.Am.Shit.Scared.
6. I'm not half the cynic I used to be. Life has a sense of humour. Just that it isn't that apparent to us. But sometimes, once in a while, life does give you a chance. And the pessimist in me struggles each day to survive, as I bludgeon her deeper and deeper into oblivion. Because I'm not giving up. Because there are very few things I want in this world. Truly want. And I will do everything I humanly possibly can, all the way from the last cell in the last bit of bone marrow in my most extreme toe, to make sure I get it.  Because, I believe. 

And yes, I know the heading for this post promised you five truths. But life (with me as its little humour-less helper) just decided to give you a little extra. The pessimist in you should melt a little just for that.

The Beginning

As I sat at my laptop, staring at my final post on my blog, I felt a mixture of emotions… Sadness, at what seemed to be almost the end of an era in some magnified part of my brain…and elation. Elation to be free. Free of all the baggage, of the history, of the past. Free of everyone knowing who I am and where I came from.

And then I spent days staring at my laptop screen, thinking about the way ahead. I realized I could now be anybody. I could have an anonymous blog, I could be whoever I wanted, I could write whatever I wanted, without feeling scared, without being judged, without worrying about society, and worse, friends. The idea was rather appealing, except for one tiny nagging feeling at the back of my head.

If you’ve ever experienced anything nagging at a particular point at the back of your head, well, you know how persistent it can be. After some time, you don’t really have a choice but to shut up and let the point have its say. And boy, did it have a say.

So this was the final decision.

I want to write whatever I want, without feeling scared, without being judged, without worrying about society, and worse, friends.

But I want to be me.

And you know what? I should be able to do all of the above being me.

And that’s what I want this blog to be. Me, stripped down to the core. Me, speaking my mind. Me, being truthful. Me, as I am today, at this very moment. Me, being me.

Because frankly, I kinda like the real me.

I hope you will too.