I’m pretty sure there’s this recurring thought that passes
through every girl’s mind every now and then, even if not very seriously… life
would be so much easier if I was a guy!
This could happen when you’re stuck in office late night,
and are fretting over how you’ll make it home. Or when you think twice before
getting onto a sparsely crowded bus with only men. It happens when you get left
out of a dirty men’s joke in office, or when your parents refuse to give you
permission to go clubbing in Delhi. It happens every time you hear about
learning to make a round chapatti, and it definitely happens when you’re on a
road trip with a painfully full bladder and no clean restroom in sight for miles.
But then, there are times that I imagine life as a guy in
this world, and I feel so much insane pressure that I feel very happy to be
exactly who I am.
All the way from when we were kids, I always felt that a guy
could be the best in studies, or a talented singer, but the one thing on which he
was judged by peers always somehow came down to how he was at cricket. Because
that’s what all the boys in school did during all their breaks. Every boy
wanted to bat, and the ones who weren’t athletic enough were banished to field
endlessly. But not playing was not an option. It’s what boys do.
And this display of physical masculinity doesn’t change
through life. Sure, you can move onto tennis or snooker or some sport that
suits you more. But I don’t think it’s still very acceptable for a man to claim
he doesn’t like to play any sport at all. He’s judged. Way more than I am
judged when I make the same statement. Because it’s easy to assume that I’m a
delicate girly girl who wouldn’t want to break a nail. (That isn’t the real
reason, though. I actually just suck at anything that needs hand eye
coordination. So I’d rather just spend my time reading… Why spend time being
bad at something when I can spend that time enjoying something instead?). But
if a guy my age makes the same statement, I’ve seen the judgemental looks he
gets.
Looks that are almost as bad as the derogatory jokes about
men who can’t grow beards (yeah, like that’s a bloody talent!), men who have some
effeminate characteristics (“woh jo gay
hai?!” Let’s not even get started with everything wrong with the words and
tone of that sentence), the rare guy who chooses to stay at home and take care
of the household and kids while the wife earns instead. Like what’s with the
pressure of being the man of the house?! In today’s world, why must the guy earn
more, and be the decision maker of the house? What if he doesn’t want to be? What does 'Be a man!' even mean?!
When I chose to move to Mumbai before my marriage, A took a transfer to join me. I thought
it was super sweet of him to change for me. But I didn’t think it was out of
the world to expect him to. But the world did. The concept of a guy moving for
a girl instead of vice-versa was very amusing to a lot of people, who let their
thoughts be known rather openly by their smirks and jokes. A took it rather well, I’d say, and for that I’ll always be
thankful to him. But what a load of crap to have to deal with to begin with!
And then I think, the worst of the lot. Boys don’t cry. Like, why the hell not? Why are little boys told to
not behave like a girl? One small sentence to insult both boys and girls in one
go. Just as bad as it is to say that you have to be careful with what you say
to women or they’ll start crying, it’s horrible to expect men to not cry. It’s
a bloody natural reaction. Stop gender-ising it!
Wow this ended up a very long post.
But like I said, it pretty much sucks to be a guy in this
world.
Not that being a girl is a hoot.
But about time people realized feminism isn’t just about
women, no?
Like really, about time.
Well... Well...!! My kind of writing...
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