Because sometimes, there is no choice

Right now, at this moment, as I half sit-half lie down on my bed, I am absolutely completely exhausted.

Reason?

Well, remember how I was supposed to register my lease at the far end of the world and the landlady didn’t turn up, and so my day got wasted? Well, she did turn up today. And Mumbai is sweat-like-a-pig hot in October.

Also, remember how I was supposed to clean my room last week, and I put it off till Sunday? Umm… well, that didn’t happen either. Until today, when every possession of mine decided to revolt and hid in random corners of the room forcing me to finally clean it.

And apparently I put off the grocery shopping a little too much as well. I had this gem of a realization when I saw my maid cleaning the toilet with the laundry detergent today.

So, well, it’s been a slightly tiring day. (Enough that I just typed embarrassing instead of tiring. Which is weird, cuz it was anything but an embarrassing day, rarity as that might be.)

But, really this post is about my dirty room, which is now so clean that I am looking at it like a proud mum who’s kid just came fourth in the weird lemon and spoon race at Sport’s Day (what was with those races anyway?! I once took part in a plait race… a hearty applause for anyone who can correctly guess what that is. Anyone?)

To fully be able to understand my emotional outburst you might want to see how dirty my room actually was:

Yes, I live here.

Wait, a close-up might convince you of my hazardous situation just a bit more.

Some things cannot be explained via captions

Don't ask me how. I really don't know.

At this stage let me point out that I am NOT a 24 year old bachelor who drinks beer and sits on yesterday’s pizza, and wonders if it’s time for his weekly shower.

I happen to be a lady.

The fairer, and supposedly cleaner sex.

Oh well.

Now since at the moment I feel like a rather super hot cleanliness goddess, and since it’s been some time since I wrote in bullet points, here are some of my tips for cleaning your room:

• Plan and time your cleaning excursion carefully. It takes surprisingly lesser time to empty your cupboard on the bed, as compared to stuffing it all back in.
• Be prepared to be pleasantly surprised. You know that ear ring you couldn’t find, the watch that your dad gifted you, your new pair of slippers, and the chocolate you only half ate…it’s all there, somewhere. Well, maybe the pleasantness might be slightly subjective in the last case.
• Be a brat. And I am not kidding about this one. There’s a reason your cupboard won’t shut, and there’s stuff spilt everywhere. You have way too much of it. Dispose, dispose, dispose! Because simply put, you never really will have anything to wear when you need it, so might as well not have anything to wear in your clean and less populated cupboard.
• And when I say dispose, it includes your holey underwear. I don’t care if it’s great for ventilation!
• There will come a point in your cleaning saga, somewhere an hour into the excursion, when everything is out on the bed, and the room looks ten times worse than when you had started, when every muscle in your body will ache, and your mind will throw only one thought your way…”Give up! No one will know…” DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR HEAD. My solution? Tell someone who’s about to visit you that you’re going to clean up your room. Then someone will know.
• Keep a bug spray handy.
• A bottle of Glucon-D never hurt anyone.
• Do not attempt to write a blog post after it.
• In times of panic, remember, there is always the bed box and the top of your cupboard
• And of course, going forward just keep your room clean so you don’t have to go through the above melodrama ever again.
• Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! Sorry, just couldn’t get through that one with a straight face.
• Find a flatmate who's a cleanliness freak
• Ask your mum to visit more often
• Or at least take pics of your clean room. No one ever believes you otherwise. Specially next week, when you try to convince them just how clean your room once was.

And this is how clean my room is right now. And my cupboard shuts!

Am I awesome or am I awesome?!?!

Well, usually there’s a pretty blue rug there as well, but my bottle of Pepsi happened to explode on it yesterday, so it’s out of action for some time.

Yes, I like rugs in my room.

I am a lady, after all. And a lady has pretty rugs in her room.

No, it’s not pink.

Hmph.