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Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The Great Mysteries of the World



There are a lot of things I don’t understand. Now, I’m not a rocket scientist, a PhD or even the college topper. But frankly, I really think the below mentioned puzzles will leave even the best of them dumbfounded. At least for a few moments. I think.

The Bhaaiyyya Syndrome
Why do only Delhi girls say “Bhaaaiyyya” and not the Delhi boys? Or any other city girls? How did this syndrome selectively attack only one gender of a city and not the rest of the population? What weird gender and geography specific gene mutation is this?!

To Scratch or not to Scratch
On an average, you will find 63% of the men standing on the street scratching their balls. On an average you will find .02% of the women on the street scratching…well…anything. Of course these are random stats I just made up. But the fact of the matter is, we all sweat and we all get uncomfortable. Manners just skipped one gender somehow on this count.

The monthly Drug Dealer
Why, oh why, does a chemist wrap up sanitary napkins in that black polybag and slip it across conspirationally to you? Why must I feel like a drug dealer every time I ask for a pack of Whisper?! WHY is it that something that almost 50% of the world’s population goes through every month of the year has to be hidden and kept all secretive?! Why is the advertising so uncomfortable (Don't mind, lekin aapke peeche...)?! Why is it something to be hidden from the male gender and to be embarrassed about? What is the big deal?! Unless you’re one of those girls who pretends that every time she uses the loo it's just to finish her make up (because women are clearly too pretty and delicate to have any normal digestive functions), I ask, again, WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?!

Har Haath Same Pose
Why Rahul Gandhi somehow never managed to find the time to give four different poses for his Outdoor campaign is a question I asked every bloody day while heading to office. EACH bill board shows his exact same photograph. The only change is the person standing next to him…the woman…the kisaan…the muslim...the worker (Cover all demographics. Brain wave wonly). And him. Same pose. They were even too lazy to invert the image and move him from left to right, you know, for the sake of breaking the monotony. I mean you know, obviously, it couldn’t have been rocket science. 



But, who would they have then managed to blame for not getting enough votes if the ad agency got everything right? But that’s besides the question. This blog is NOT a political forum. Otherwise I’d also be questioning the sanity of the 16 people who voted for amchi hari mirchi Rakhi Sawant.
Photo Courtesy: DNA

Bitch Please!
Girls are frankly the best friends you can ever have. They’re supportive, loving, caring, and really know how to make you feel better and get out of the dumps when it comes to guy issues in life. But it takes exactly a nano-second to turn them into the biggest bitches in the world. I am yet to meet a girl who is TRULY happy when her female friend lost weight / topped in an exam / got a promotion / went ga-ga over her wedding…anything where she was competing as well… There is a reason that female bosses are the worst...unless you’re a guy. Then, there’s hope. Maybe.

Emoti-kaun?!
Why are some watsapp emoticons so damn confusing?! Like, why are there cats doing the exact same thing as the bald (humans?!)?? 

And what the hell is this?? 
Boo?!


And how does this not look like pink granny panties to anyone else?!?!
Seriously, isn't there a bum in there somewhere?!


The reason I know I'm not the only one finding them confusing is because a friend regularly sent an emoticon to her boyfriend when he was feeling low, thinking she’s gifting him virtual chocolates. “Awww…You’re sad…Here take this!”
Silver lining to his day, I tell you!


The Mind Numbing Delhi-Mumbai Debate
I don’t even care to recall the number of times I have been asked which city I prefer and why. And I definitely can’t understand people’s fascination with this topic. In the past 4 years of my life, I have tried every possible answer to the question, from the direct (Both are crap), to the diplomatic (Oh, both have their positives) to the topic-changer (Ooh, look, birdie!), but the one thing I’ve realized is, my answer DOESN’T MATTER. Because the only reason that question is ever asked, is for the questioner to give her / his view point about which city s/he likes better. What is amusing is that the majority of the times, the person asking the question is an incumbent of one of the two cities, and has never really lived away from home for a long period of time…ever. On what authority they form their opinions is beyond me. But what really really befuddles me is when a South Mumbai girl passes a snide remark about a South Delhi girl being rich and spoilt and stylish and vice versa. That’s the point when I want to take out a Hattori Hanzo, swish it through the air, and hope they see their reflection in the blade (and the fact that there is literally no difference between the two, and they’re as spoilt / rich / self-centered as the other, both go crazy over Zara, and neither can name all the stations in the local train line / metro) before their airy head goes flying off and hits the opposite wall.

Okay, so maybe I got a little carried away. And am quite sure I made a lot of HUGE presumptions and pissed off some people. But take it as the rant of a curiously confused mind. Like, these things can’t be mysteries to just me, right? Err. Right??

P.S. I grew up in South Delhi, have lived in Delhi and Mumbai, and have been known to apparently say Bhaaaaaiyaa at times.

14 comments:

  1. hahaahh the ball scratching mystery needs to be answered!!!! also the har hath same :P

    ReplyDelete
  2. hahaahh the ball scratching mystery needs to be answered!!!! also the har hath same :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If only! Throw some light, please!!!

      Delete
  3. Using the format that you find interesting, here it goes:

    a. The opposite end of the Bhaiyaaa syndrome is the Boss syndrome. Guys in Mumbai refer to everyone as Boss. Trying noticing that the next time you step out.

    b. Who defines the mannerisms? Basic animal instinct is to find your comfort before anything else. The lions scratch against the trees, the dogs use their paws and men use hands. Recommendation here is to try doing it a couple of time yourselves And see if the peace compensates for embarassment, if you feel any. Step two is to replace embarassment by pleasure. (Note: This does not imply that I practice the art)

    c. The mafia deal always has two parties. Next time they wrap it in paper; try tearing the paper off and maybe even open the pack at the counter to check quality of material within. You are the agent of change you desire.

    d. Maybe it was the most intelligent looking pose he ever got clicked. Remember that good looking farewell pic which you used for next 2 years whenever a pic was to be produced. No?? Ofcourse not; all your pics are perfect. But not every person is as blessed as you. So you ought to pity him. Doesn't act intelligent, doesnt look so too!

    e. Do you fall in this category too???

    f. Rotfl. Really pity the friend who recd those chocolates!!

    g. Cudnt agree more with you. There are times when I say Delhi is ok. Or I havent been there enuf to comment. But they push and push for a story. So I have a few based on true events with added fiction stories prepared to escape the situation.

    Keep writing. Waiting for a few deaths!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow. I know Is should've replied to this long back...but the massiveness of the pointers makes me shy away from it. But they're pointers. And that makes this my favourite comment!!!

      Thank you!!!

      P.S. All girls fall in that category!

      Delete
  4. ooops someone is angry :)

    I hate that word bhaiyaa.. I mean I am not anyone's bhaiyaa so please dont call me one, I have a good name call me by that easy peasy :)

    thankfully i am neither from mumbai or delhi so no debate for me .. :)

    the emoticons well .. let me say HE HE HE HE HE :)
    Bikram

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaa...not angry as much as curious...and well...maybe a lil frustrated!! :D

      Delete
  5. Some interesting snippets from me:

    I wonder how that bhaiyaaaa thing is so famous. I personall know no women who talk like that though the concept as such rests in the back of my mind as well!! The Rahul Gandhi pose thing is something I noticed as well and was wondering if I was the only one to notice. So kind of rejoicing in a silly way that I am not the only one to give importance to trivial nonsense! Bitch pleaseeee totally agree... Somehow I have always been unpopular among women and can't relate anymore to this syndrome!

    And finally on the Delhi Mumbai debate.. As someone who has spent a considerable amount of time in both cities, I love both for very diverse reasons and enjoy the debates to full length :) one brilliant time pass only it is :)

    Love your writing! Keep spamming my fb with more such blogs ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yaar I've weirdly heard girls say it like that (specially in South delhi, stereotypes aside).

      Hehe..thank you...keep reading and commenting (ya..greedy me) :P

      Delete
  6. I have the bhaiyaaa syndrome though I am a south indian. I have been known to call even men of my dad or uncle's age as bhaiyaa just out of habit. :( My friends keep pulling my legs for this one.

    Loved reading this list :)

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    Replies
    1. Oh so do I....but do you say bhaaaayaaaa.... :P

      Delete
  7. hhehehehahahah! this post cracked m up like anything! what a LOL post :D

    I feel the same too, just like an underground drug dealer..heheh

    and Rahul baba...he needs to grow up!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahaa hai na? Good to know I'm not the only one!!!!

      Delete

  8. hey love the post ! awesome and great articles and congrates on reaching the top sites,.............i will be back visit to often.

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    ReplyDelete

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