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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Once Upon a Time in Mumbai




This post has been pending forever, mainly because I have been putting it off forever. Because writing it, is painful. Because writing it, means accepting things that my brain is still trying hard to get my heart to accept. Because forget writing, even the thought of it makes me start crying every time.

This, is a post with more mixed feelings than a molten Cassata ice cream, if you know what I mean.

Once upon a time in Mumbai, actually, two years ago to be much more precise, I landed up here. And I was one enthusiastic person. Enthusiastic about finally working, about finally living alone, about taking care of myself, about being in a city where I could walk on the road without being scared of getting raped 24*7, actually wearing whatever clothes I felt like, and meeting new people, making new friends, and proving myself, finally.

Once upon a time in Mumbai, I was optimistic, and had dreams.

I did meet a lot of new people, and made some amazing friends. I shopped like crazy, wore whatever I wanted, had more fun than probably ever before in my life.

But at the same time, for a year, everything else in my life went wrong, to an extent I had never imagined possible. I cried, I screamed at the rain, I felt angry with my decisions, my luck, and more than anything else, this brutal city. I was unhappy, and it showed.

And then the scenario changed, jobs changed, and my life changed. I was happy, again. I had dreams, again. I started falling in love with this city, again. The Chopsuey theory finally came true, and I for once in my life, I seemed to be living my dreams.

But, this is my life, and sometimes I feel it likes to screw around with me just so that I have enough cribby blogging content, you know?

Mumbai locals were tried, jobs were screwed, colleagues were hated, decisions were questioned, bones were broken, strength was lost, and character was questioned.

And a decision was made. To pack up and get out. For the sake of pride, confidence, sanity.
And in two days time, that’s exactly what I’m doing. Moving back to Delhi, back home, back with my family.

I’d like to say, back to where I belong, but I’m not very sure.

Right now, at this moment, I’m not really sure of anything.

I’m leaving behind some of the most amazing friends I have ever met.
I’m leaving behind independence.
I’m leaving behind the fruits of the Chopsuey Theory.
I’m leaving behind my life.

Everyone has been super supportive, everyone has been so nice about it. Specially someone I’m hurting a lot by this decision, and all I can say in response is a measly thank you.

Thank you, for understanding me, and understanding that this is what I need right now.

I know I might hate Delhi, I’ll curse the men who think that all women are public property to be gawked at and groped, I’ll hate the extreme weather, I’ll hate the long distances and traffic jams, I’ll hate not having much of a life, and I’ll hate the shitty job I’ll be forced to do.

And I’ll miss you.

I know it could be a disaster, but it is my home, my family, and a clean slate.

I'll be back, hopefully, when I’m stronger.

Till then, I have Mum’s home cooked food, time with my family, old friends, and hopefully loads of northern holidays to look forward to.

So Delhi, look out, I’m coming back!

:)

P.S. Just got the BEST going away gift ever!!! Knock-out pepper spray!!!!  :P

18 comments:

  1. Coffee sometime before I leave Delhi :)?

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  2. It's always tough to leave things, but sometimes it's worth it!

    And, I'm sure, Delhi will be delighted to have you back ☺ Especially your family!

    Take care

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  3. LOL!!! You can run... you can hide... But you cant escape... Coz Mumbai is coming after you... }:-)

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  4. To have tried & failed is much better than not to have tried at all...

    Now that the decision is taken I wish you Bon Voyage...

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  5. @Hammy - When are you leaving???

    @Kiara - Hope you're right...keeping fingers crossed!

    @Unknown - It's most welcome :D

    @Upkaran - Well...optimism is something I find difficult to come by nowadays...but I hope so too!!! :)

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  6. Well as long as you are taking back the good memories...alls well that ends well :)

    And yes I don't know if leaving this city is a solution, but as long as it keeps you content, good! Mumbai will miss you love..

    But all the best.. We can wait! :)

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  7. @Confused Soul - Mumbai has kicked my ass...but it's also given me beautiful memories that I'll really cherish forever. So yes...I'll always remember Mumbai in a weird bitter-sweet way.

    Maybe the back bone fracture is what finally pushed me over the edge :P

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  8. One of your most personal posts. Good job expressing!

    And about the home thing, All the Best!

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  9. Every decision we make has a reason and a positive side...Wishing you a good time in Delhi :)

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  10. Ok, this is officially the millionth iteration of 'I`m making a move to another city in June 2012' that I`ve heard in a small time frame (myself included) - so join the club.

    What else can I say but brace yourself for a roller coaster of an adventure on your home turf - Cheers :)

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  11. heard some pain screaming thru your word..eching some pain i am undergoing nw..but yes you rightly said"Thank you, for understanding me, and understanding that this is what I need right now". i lovd your post..move on grabbing strengh and living more bravely with life ingrained in every moment.

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  12. it's a small world, shreya, and Mumbai is really not far away.You never know when that city or another one may beckon you. remember, you lose some, you gain some. meanwhile, welcome home!

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  13. @Wanderlust - Thank you so much! :)

    @jaish_vats - Yes, trying my best to concentrate on the positives! And thank you :)

    @Atrocious Scribblings - Really? Oh wow. Feels weird to get up and move, doesn't it? Good luck to you too!!!

    @Rekha - Thank you...it is painful, and difficult. But hoping to get through it just fine :)

    @Mommy - I'm genuinely happy and excited to be coming back home..really...it's just bitter sweet in the last few days :)

    @phatichar - Thanks a ton!!

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  15. Hello. :-)

    I came across your blog through Red handed's blog. And I found it really interesting.

    Will be following your blog. Keep writing. :-)

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  16. Okay, so im shifting to Dilli soon, and iv been listening to everyone saying dilli is bad, unsafe, etc , etc.
    Although, you'd know the city better having lived there, but i think, every city deserves a chance to start afresh! Forget the past, and view it from a new perspective, im sure you'll find something new in the city. :)

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  17. @Ramya - Thank you so much!! Hope you figured out what an enthu cutlet is :P Looking forward to seeing you around! And will check out your blog soon :)

    @Shobhit - Thanks a ton! Hope to see you around again! :)

    @Isha - You're right...every city should be given a new chance..just that sometimes preconcieved notions and experiences tend to bias you a bit. Mumbai and delhi, I love both cities and I hate both cities...I hope you have a wonderful time here, and the city treats you real well!!! :)

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