True Blood

She was shocked at all the blood. She stood helplessly, ignored, as the hospital staff ran about frantically trying to curb the bleeding. Finally, silence filled the room, as the last breath escaped the bloody form.

A silent tear rolled down her cheek, as she watched the nurse wheel her body away to the morgue.

Life@25

So I may have spent the time leading up to my birthday cribbing and whining, but one thing I was sure of, by the time it was 23:30 the night before. I wasn’t planning on spending my birthday like that.

As it turned out, I needn’t have decided that. My family was hell bent on making it a good day. What I lacked in enthusiasm, they more than made up for with theirs. When they saw me low, they cheered and laughed and made me forget my troubles. As the clock hit midnight, I was smiling. And I continued to for the rest of the day.

It isn’t every day that you get gifts from the ones you love. It isn’t every day that your sister, brother-in-law and nephew dedicate their full day to what you want to do. It isn’t every day you step out in absolute heat and enjoy momos and fruit beer at dilli haat. It isn’t every day that your mum slogs all day to make a yummy meal, and all relatives join in. And it isn’t every day that your dad offers you wine before dinner.

Contrary to most jokes from friends about being too old to party now, I absolutely loved my day. If there’s one thing Mumbai made me realize, it’s how much my family meant to me, and how much I missed them over the last few years. Sure, I’ve spent my life pseudo-rebelling and fighting over my rights with my parents. That’ll probably always continue. But nothing can ever compare to the security you feel at the end of a bad day, when you go home, and you know your family’s going to be there, that you’re not alone.

And then there were friends. Friends I haven’t talked to for months or even years, who took the effort of finding out my number and giving me a call. It’s a feeling I can’t really describe. It’s a realization, about the number of people you either forget about or take for granted, and yet, who are still there. It’s a good feeling, to know, that people still care.

All in all, the day ended on a much more positive note than the week leading up to it. For one thing, I realized, that I’m finally of legal age to actually drink in this city. Finally.

P.S. I still find it weird to know that I could contribute to the fate of my country, could get married, could sleep with whoever I wanted for the last seven years of my life, and only now am I old enough to responsibly drink. You gotta applaud this country sometimes, really.

P.P.S. Work is finally starting, and I know this isn’t one of my best posts. But I thought it’s about time I put one non-whiny one up, don’tcha think?

As the clock ticks...

In two hours from now, I turn 25.

I should be happy.

I always imagined I will be happy.

I always wanted to be older. And 25 sounds like as perfect an age as any, no? When you’re old enough to have done so many things in life.

But what happens, when you wake up, and realize, you’ve done none of the things you thought you would have by 25?

What happens when you turn 25 at a time when every morning, you can barely figure out a reason to get out of bed to begin with?

Someone today asked me about my story. He caught me by surprise. Ever done one of those assignments in school, when you write your autobiography? Ever answered one of those ‘Where do you see yourself five years from now’ questions? Did you answer one five years ago? Are you there now? Will you even be there in another 5 years?

What went wrong?

I had a plan. A 5 year plan. A 10 year plan. And then it all went wrong. So wrong.

There is a simple way of making plans work.

You stick to them.

But I didn’t. I lost my way. And I have enough anger and resentment in me today to fuel a space ship to Pluto.  And most of it is aimed at me. I can blame others, but why bother. At the end of the day, I’m the one who didn’t stick to the plan. And nobody forced me not to.

So the time has come, I guess, to sit down and make yet another plan. And this time, to remember, what’s really important.

To stick to it.

P.S. I also got another surprise. I was told by someone relatively new in my life, that I crib more than a rather cribby common friend we have. And that’s when I realized just how big a pain-in-the-ass I must have turned into nowadays for people around me. For the older ones, who are currently rolling their eyes reading this, yes, believe it, I’ve gotten worse.

So I guess I know where to start with the plan.

P.P.S. Any suggestions on how to be one of those annoyingly chirpy optimistic positive people? Suggestions from extremely unlucky and old people would be mucho appreciated!

Let It Rain

Just when things couldn’t get any worse, she felt the splat of a fat raindrop on her face. Then another. And another.

Turning to run back in, a realization suddenly hit her.

“Here, no one will see.”

And standing there in the rain, she finally let her tears escape, mixing and hiding with nature’s fury.