25 Years of Slightly Weirder but not Altogether Useless Wisdom

Photo Courtesy: www.reading-with-kids.com

After bumming a lot of people out yesterday, and receiving collective groans for the same, I thought its maybe time for sharing some of the other stuff I’ve learnt in the past quarter of a century. 25 years is a long time, and believe me, when you’re me, you do a LOT of stupid things to learn from.

I’ve learnt that the nara (you know that string thing used to keep your churidar/shalwaar up?) on your pants will always end up in a double knot by the end of the day. The number and complexity of the above mentioned knot is directly proportional to your growing need to pee.

I’ve learnt that running through the open loo door without switching on the light in the middle of the night isn’t always the best idea. Specially when your room mate has a habit of shutting the before-mentioned-mistakenly-thought-open loo door.

I’ve learnt that a school skirt which has hooks on the side instead of a zip is a BAD idea. Specially when you have doors in the school with latches placed at the same curious height and angles as the slit in your skirt.

I’ve learnt that if you’re walking fast enough and get stuck on the door latch, it’s not so difficult to tear your skirt top to bottom.

I’ve learnt that you will notice the mould on the bread only when you're about to take the last bite.

I’ve learnt that when a door does not have a pull/push sign, I always do the opposite of what is actually required.

I’ve learnt that it’s ALWAYS a bad idea to keep your boss’s bbm chat window open on your cell. Specially if you’re discussing some rather naughty things with a friend on an adjacent chat window. Or what you thought was the adjacent chat window.

I’ve learnt that you don’t always dance the way you think you’re dancing. Not even close.

I’ve learnt that it is possible to finish a three kilo watermelon between three people. I’m not taking any guarantees for your stomach the next day though.

I’ve learnt that you’re never as fat as you think you are. Nor as thin.

But that pimple? It’s always as big and noticeable as you thought!

I’ve learnt that talking in office loos is NEVER a good idea.

I’ve learnt that once you put aside slippers because they’re old and worn out, you really shouldn’t pick them up out of a sudden feeling of endearment. Slippery slippers are a bitch. Specially on the steps at Andheri station.

I’ve learnt that the total number of expressions in most Hindi soap operas is five. So is the total number of creative ideas.

I’ve learnt that at least one character per soap opera has to get drunk on bhang near holi, and the effect lasts for at least an entire month worth of episodes.

I’ve learnt that watching a love-making scene on a Hindi soap opera with your grandmother is THE MOST EMBARRASSING situation EVER.

I’ve learnt that travelling is ALWAYS a good idea.

So is clean underwear.

I’ve learnt that it’s important to like your parlour lady. For a long period she may know you more intimately than anyone else.

I’ve learnt that Mumbai auto wala’s will never go anywhere, so it really doesn’t matter.

I’ve learnt that most Delhiites and Mumbaikars take it as an offence if you don’t necessarily hate one city and love the other.

I’ve learnt that climbing up a rusty old ladder without shoes isn’t the best idea in the world.

I’ve learnt that while ooh-ing and aah-ing at cute lil pups, it might be wise to pay attention to the growling dog behind you.

I’ve learnt that taking care of drunk people isn’t all that fun.

I’ve learnt that the scariest part about Mumbai locals is the not-so-slightly-built aunties, with their huge bosoms and even bigger bags. They aren’t scared to use either to fight their way to a seat.

I’ve also learnt that the scariest Mumbai local is the one to Virar.

I’ve learnt that Murphy was perhaps the best teacher we could have ever hoped for. In his rather arrogant statement meant to blame a technician on his team for screwing his work, he formulated the one truth that most of the world today lives by. If anything can go wrong, it will.

I’ve learnt that life being me is fun. Because frankly, anyone can be graceful, and sophisticated, and always perfectly fine in every possible way. But me? I’m a limited edition!!!

P.S. Now that I’ve started thinking, I have had a LOT of stupid and embarrassing things happen to me that I really have learnt from. Maybe I’ll keep adding to the list :D