That’s a big number. I always found it a little pompous and proud for being five squared. I’m not sure why. But two fives kinda made it arrogant. Like this annoying swollen headed jerk sneering down at you from its pedestal, far away.
Except it’s not so far away any more.
And the closer I get, the more jittery I get.
Because I’m beginning to realize that 20 was so much easier than 25.
At 20, I could get drunk, dance like a maniac, and be all stupid and it was ok. Because I was 20. And I could be all grown up and mature the next second and that was a wonder, because I was just 20.
And somehow all I seem to want to do now is run…run back to the days I had no worries, no emotions, no troubles…or run to the future, that beautiful time when everything will be alright, when cynicism would’ve been rendered useless, and optimism finally rewarded, and uncertainty banished.
And that’s why 25 is scary. It’s a roadblock you can’t get out of. One that forces you to stop, and think, and remember.
I’ve learnt that it gets tougher to dream as you grow up. It isn’t as easy to say that one day you want to become the CEO of a big media company. Not unless you’re delivering. And it isn’t as easy to deliver as it used to be.
I’ve learnt that no dream is ever truly lost.
I’ve learnt that what people think does matter, even if you’d like to believe it doesn’t.
I’ve learnt that stereotypes exist for a reason.
I’ve learnt being a rebel without a cause has no glory.
I’ve learnt that causes sometimes cease to exist, abruptly.
I’ve learnt you can be numb for years, and then emotions can hit you like a wall of bricks you just didn’t see coming.
I’ve learnt that all the McDreamys, Chuck Bass’s, Oliver Barretts and Rhett Buttlers are at the end of the day, nothing but characters, created out of women’s fantasies.
And sometimes they aren’t.
I’ve learnt that cynicism gets you nowhere. But it only has your best interests at heart.
I’ve learnt that optimism can move the world. But hope can kill.
I’ve learnt that sometimes it’s good to wake up.
I’ve learnt that we spend our lives fighting our parents, trying to prove them wrong, but they’re right, most of the times anyway.
I’ve learnt that I can spend my life running away from who I was, and the decisions I have taken. But there isn’t a way that exists that I can run away from myself.
I’ve learnt that dreaming about being 24, with a huge salary cheque, a budding career while being married to the love of my life was a dream as silly as the notion of perfection.
I’ve learnt that life isn’t perfect, and it may never be.
I’ve learnt that perfection is over rated.
I’ve learnt that dreams need to sometimes be protected.
I’ve learnt that happiness is all that really matters.
I’ve learnt that most of us don’t know what really makes us happy.
I’ve learnt that I am weaker than I thought I was.
I also know I’m about to become stronger than even I knew possible.
I’ve learnt that being 25, with a tiny salary cheque, a career that seems to be headed downhill, and nowhere near marriage is what reality is.
And I’ve learnt there are many perspectives to reality.
I’ve learnt it’s never too late to start over.
Above all, I’ve learnt that being 25 is not about looming deadlines, about lost dreams, about a plan gone terribly wrong.
It may have taken some broken bones, some really bad reviews, a lot of tears and pain.
But it’s about realising that I'm 25, and even though life didn’t exactly turn out the way I’d thought, it turned into something different, something new.
It’s about realising that I'm alive, and kicking.
And I'm not alone.
And I'm not alone.
And there's way too much in store for me to even think of stopping now.
|Photo courtesy: www.wallpaper-s.org|
P.S. This isn't my best piece of writing, and I know it. It's just that too many things have been worrying me lately, and I really needed them out of my head, once and for all. So now I can go back to my usual happy-go-lucky-even-if-slightly-cribby writing :D