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Monday, May 7, 2012

Of Life and Hope


Luck and I aren’t exactly known for seeing eye-to-eye. This isn’t something I’m making up. Believe me, I wish it was. But over the last few years, it’s come to be accepted as a fact.

Among some of the more recent happenings (you know, apart from the bad career choices, fracture, meru-curse etc.):

A pigeon fell on me while I was having breakfast. Breakfast in a cafeteria. Breakfast in a closed cafeteria. A damned pigeon.

After months of procrastinating and worrying about my backbone, I finally managed to push myself out of bed a little earlier than usual on a Monday and head to my society’s gym. It was decided that day apparently, that the gym shall now remain closed on Mondays.

And today, I missed a dream opportunity, by a day.

Yeah I know. It sounds really stupid. Maybe I’m just a klutz. Maybe I’m just not organized. Maybe I’m not strong the way I’m supposed to be.

And maybe I’m just an over-analysing crib-pot.

But you know what, I give up.

I’m done fighting karma and luck and fate and the whole jingabang.

I’m tired of being confused and trying to find a logical explanation behind everything. I’m tired of nothing ever going right. I’m tired of making all the wrong decisions. I’m tired of defending my decisions to the whole world, when I no longer can defend them to myself.

I’m tired of hurting and disappointing people. I’m tired of not being who I’m expected to be. I’m tired of running away from people who are only trying to help.

I’m tired of believing in things that aren’t meant to be believed in. I’m tired of fighting for dreams that seem too far-fetched.

I’m done cribbing and feeling bad.

And I’d really like to be done crying.

You win.
Seriously.
Please.
Just let me be.

And here I thought it was going to be a chirpy and breezy Monday.


7 comments:

  1. Arre!!! Not fair.. you gift so many smiles to all of us.. why be sad yourself??
    Relax my love, ITS JUST A BEND, NOT THE END! :)
    I am absolutely positive you have amazing and beautiful things in store for you..I know shit happens, but its flushed out soon after. :D
    Cheer up!! :)

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  2. And yeah consider the pigeon falling on you as a good omen. Thank God its was not his poop or some damned clumsy lizard. :D
    Gym closed on Monday, means God wanted to tell you that you need more rest.. :D
    Smile now.. Tomorrow is another day.. :))
    http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/148/e/f/smileys_by_musty14-d3hfwjw.jpg

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  3. @Rohu - Thank you. I dont know what gives you your optimism...but its a good thing to see...and kinda addictive!!!

    *trying for a better dayA

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  4. Coming from someone who is deathly scared of birds, particularly pigeons, I think that's the scariest thing that could ever happen!!!! I'm kind of wishing I hadn't read this post thanks to the mental imagery I can't get out.

    As for things not going your way, JK Rowling (yes i'm actually quoting her :P) said in a speech that the best part about hitting rock bottom is that you've got nothing to lose. so might as well focus on the things that really matter to you....

    (I'm not sure if this is relevant here, coz I stopped reading the blog post the incident-that-must-not-be-named, but I figured you're depressed....)

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  5. @Ruchi - Lol...How can I ever forget your fear of birds!!!!
    And as for J. K. Rowling (yes I still cant believe you quoted her)... I'm very very scared to tempt fate by calling this rock bottom. You never know what else can get screwed up!!!

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  6. Well..... Pigeons are supposed to be a symbol of prosperity....shayad

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  7. @Rohit - Let me believe that. Please.

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